{"id":168,"date":"2009-09-27T00:20:34","date_gmt":"2009-09-27T04:20:34","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.useragentman.com\/blog\/?page_id=168"},"modified":"2011-12-07T00:51:53","modified_gmt":"2011-12-07T04:51:53","slug":"the-infamous-zoltan-faq","status":"publish","type":"page","link":"https:\/\/www.useragentman.com\/blog\/the-infamous-zoltan-faq\/","title":{"rendered":"The Infamous Zoltan FAQ"},"content":{"rendered":"

Over the years, I’ve been asked a lot of questions about my name. The same<\/strong> questions. Over and over again. So I decided to post them here and have a few laughs at their (and my) expense.<\/p>\n

This page was easily the most requested page on my previous website, which is now defunct a long time ago due to neglect and the take over of a cyber-squatter (I am not going to do that idiot any favours by even mentioning that domain-name. Yes I’m bitter! :-) ). Since then, I have seen copies of the FAQ hosted in other places<\/a>, which makes me smile.<\/p>\n

\n

Q: Infamous Zoltan FAQ? Why haven\u2019t I ever heard of it before?<\/strong><\/p>\n

A: You are here, aren\u2019t you? You must have heard of it somewhere<\/p>\n

Q: Is Zoltan your real name?<\/strong><\/p>\n

A: Yes \u2026 it was the name I was given at birth. Really.<\/p>\n

Q: Oh c\u2019mon! It\u2019s some sort of Goth pseudonym\/IRC<\/span> nick that you made up, right?<\/strong><\/p>\n

A: No, really<\/em> … it is my real name.<\/p>\n

Q: Oh Please<\/em>! What kind of name is that?<\/strong><\/p>\n

A: It is a real name. It is Hungarian.<\/p>\n

Q: So you\u2019re Hungarian.<\/strong><\/p>\n

A: Well, not really. My father is of Ukrainian descent and my mother is Japanese.<\/p>\n

Q: Now really<\/em>! Do you expect me to believe that?<\/strong><\/p>\n

A: At this point, I don\u2019t care what you believe.<\/p>\n

Q: But I thought your name was<\/strong> Zardoz<\/a>.<\/p>\n

A: Sigh<\/em>, no. Just a nasty rumour started by some troublemaker I know. Just don\u2019t ask me to run around in some red fetish gear\u2026<\/p>\n

Q: Hey \u2026 aren\u2019t you partly Russian too?<\/strong><\/p>\n

A: That has been a subject of debate in my family for a while. Some people think that my fraternal grandfather was partly Russian (he spoke fluent Russian). Others disagree. I\u2019ll let you know when these two halves of my family start speaking to each other again.<\/p>\n

Q: Is your name spelt Zolton, Zaltan, Sultan, Suntan\u2026<\/strong><\/p>\n

A: * Sigh<\/em> *. No \u2026 Zoltan.<\/p>\n

\"Berg

Berg Katse, a.k.a. Zoltar<\/p><\/div><\/p>\n

Q: Hey \u2026 isn\u2019t Zoltan the name of that evil guy from Battle of the Planets<\/em> who kept on fighting some Japanese team of bird guys named G-force<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n

A: No \u2026 that was Zolta*r*. My name is Zolta*n*. They are not the same name.<\/p>\n

Q: Hey \u2026 wait a minute<\/em>! Wasn\u2019t it found out later on in the series that Zoltar was a girl<\/em>? Wouldn\u2019t that mean that you<\/em> are\u2026<\/strong><\/p>\n

A: Ok\u2026 stop right<\/strong> there! The last time I checked, I was still of the male persuasion, so don\u2019t try to give me some sort of Hemingway complex. Besides, Battle of the Planets<\/em> was a cheap American version of the Japanese Anime TV Show Kagaku Ninja Tai Gatchaman \/ Science Ninja Team Gatchaman<\/a> and the guys real name wasn\u2019t Zoltar, it was Berg Katse (the name Zoltar was only in the American version). And in the Japanese (i.e. real<\/em>) version of the show \u2026 he was a merger of two fraternal twins, one male, one female. Which of course, messed him up royally in his\/her childhood, and probably her\/his romantic life\u2026<\/p>\n

Q: Ok\u2026 stop! This is more than I wanted to know\u2026<\/strong><\/p>\n

A: Good! Maybe you\u2019ll think twice about bringing that question again! Those Battle of the Planets<\/em> questions have haunted me since that show came on Canadian television when I was in public school!<\/p>\n

Q: Do you have any unresolved childhood issues?<\/strong><\/p>\n

A: No! Well \u2026 yes \u2026 but that\u2019s another FAQ<\/span>.<\/p>\n

<\/strong><\/p>\n

\"A<\/strong><\/strong>

A member of the Zoltan cult from "Dude ... Where's My Car".<\/p><\/div><\/p>\n

Q: (Did you know that) in the movie, Dude, Where\u2019s My Car?<\/a> there is a weird leader named Zoltan who believes that\u2026well, nevermind, you should see the movie \u2026<\/strong><\/p>\n

A: Yes, I did know this\u2026. I just forgot to post this one earlier :-)<\/p>\n

When I went to the Beaver Open<\/a>, a footbag<\/a> tournament in August, 2001, I was followed around by a bunch of little kids who kept on whispering and giggling when I walked by. Finally, being overly curious, I asked them why it was that whenever I passed them, they would always put their hands together in the form of a Z, and whispered the word \u201cZoltan\u201d as loud as they could. They then told me about this movie, which is a cross between Bill and Ted\u2019s Excellent Adventure<\/a> and something even dumber. When I got back home to Toronto, I saw the film on video – it was quite the waste of time \u2026 though I must say that this movie has at least got people to stop mentioning the Battle of the Planets thing (see questions above), which can only be good.<\/p>\n

And if you are ever in Oregon in August, check out the Beaver Open. It is really fun. Just don\u2019t call the sport footbag “hacky-sack” please.<\/p>\n

Q: Wasn\u2019t there a raven named Zoltan in the Stephen King book The Gunslinger \u2013 The Dark Tower I<\/em>?<\/strong><\/p>\n

A: Apprently there is. Never read it, but found this snippit on-line at The Penguin Books Website<\/a>:<\/p>\n

The gunslinger shook and gave his own name. As he did so, a scrawny raven croaked from the low peak of the sod roof. The dweller gestured at it briefly: \u201cThat\u2019s Zoltan.\u201d<\/p>\n

At the sound of its name the raven croaked again and flew across to Brown. It landed on the dweller\u2019s head and roosted, talons firmly twined in the wild thatch of hair.<\/p>\n

\u201cScrew you,\u201d Zoltan croaked brightly. \u201cScrew you and the horse you rode in on.\u201d<\/p>\n

The gunslinger nodded amiably.<\/p>\n

\u201cBeans, beans, the musical fruit,\u201d the raven recited, inspired. \u201cThe more you eat, the more you toot.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYou teach him that?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThat\u2019s all he wants to learn, I guess,\u201d Brown said. \u201cTried to teach him The Lord\u2019s Prayer once.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Also, another book in the series, The Waste Lands \u2013 The Dark Tower III<\/span>, another Zoltan reference is made:<\/p>\n

Eddie thought it over carefully. Roland had spoken of a thousand things as the two of them made their tortuous way up the beach from the door marked THE<\/span> PRISONER<\/span> to the one marked THE<\/span> LADY<\/span> OF THE<\/span> SHADOWS<\/span>, and he had mentioned what seemed like a thousand in his fever-heated monologues \u2014 Alain, Cort, Jamie de Curry, Cuthbert (this one more often than others), Hax, Martin (or perhaps it was Marten, like the animal), Walter, Susan, even a guy with the unlikely name of Zoltan.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Gotta love that \u201cunlikely name of Zoltan\u201d part. The has to be some sort of story behind that \u2026 I wonder what it is \u2026<\/p>\n

Q: (Did you know that in the game) Might and Magic (there is a) wizard that is in your party (that) carries the name?<\/strong><\/p>\n

A: Congratulations! That I didn\u2019t know, although there seems to be a whole bunch of references to this wizard on the web. Might and Magic seem to be a PC adventure game. Anyone have a picture? (Thanks to Michael J. Lamb of Orlando, FL for mentioning this one as well as the Dude Where\u2019s My Car reference in an e-mail).<\/p>\n

Q: Aren\u2019t you a computer program?<\/strong><\/p>\n

A: Most definitely no :-P<\/p>\n

When I was working at Netcom Canada, a co-worker of mine, Neina, told me quite the funny story. She was told that if there was ever a problem with a specific web application, that she was to talk to the database people and they\u2019d interface with Zoltan to get the web application up and running again. She took it to mean that I was a computer program. When the application did<\/strong> go down and she told another co-worker this, they just glared at her and said \u201cYou\u2019re \u2026 um \u2026 kidding<\/strong>, right?\u201d<\/p>\n

I was sworn to secrecy about that one \u2026 but as you can see I am not good at keeping secrets<\/p>\n

<\/strong><\/p>\n

\"The<\/strong><\/strong>

The Two Baltars, John Calicos (left) and James Callis (right)<\/p><\/div><\/p>\n

Q: But wait, I thought Zoltar was the name of the evil guy who controlled the Cylons in Battlestar Galactica!<\/strong><\/p>\n

A: My is Zoltan, not Zoltar. And no\u2026 that\u2019s Baltar<\/strong>, played by John Colicos<\/a> (and later by James Callis). And that isn\u2019t even close to Zoltan, so I\u2019m not even going to waste my time commenting any further on that question \u2026 except to say that Galactica was one of the best SF shows from my childhood and that John Colicos who starred as Baltar is an amazing actor \u2026 much better than that hack Lorne Greene. But I digress \u2026.<\/p>\n

Q: Isn\u2019t there are guy named Zoltar in that freaky 60\u2019s cartoon, Space Ghost?<\/strong><\/p>\n

A: My name is not Zoltar. And I think you are referring to Moltar (or his step-brother Zoltran<\/a>), but I must say I don\u2019t know anything about this show, so you\u2019ll have to take my word for it \u2026 but I thought this was the Zoltan FAQ<\/span>, not the Zoltar FAQ! Which brings me to the next question \u2026.<\/p>\n

Q: Isn\u2019t there a Zoltar in the movie Big<\/em> starring Tom Hanks?<\/strong><\/p>\n

\"zoltarSpeaks\"

Zoltar Speaks<\/p><\/div><\/p>\n

A: Sorry \u2026 that\u2019s another Zoltar \u2026 you know, I looked up the name Zoltar in a few baby books and in a few dictionaries, and there ain\u2019t such a name. So why the f*** is it so popular in popular culture, and not me? I think it is time that I speak out against this \u2026 stay tuned for a new web page on this subject. Anyway, Zoltar Speaks was the name of the machine that turned the main 12 year old character into Tom Hanks. I would never do that. I would have turned the Kid into Telly Savalas<\/a>. Don\u2019t ask me why \u2026 I just would.<\/p>\n

New Information: I was told that \u201cZoltar Speaks\u201d is based on a real arcade fortune teller machine that is actually called Zoltan.<\/p>\n

Then, someone named Vic told me that \u201cZoltar Speaks is not related to, except for name similarity, the real 1969 Fortune Teller game known as Zoltan<\/em>. This is a very common misconception among coin-op collectors, too. See http:\/\/marvin3m.com\/arcade\/zoltan.htm<\/a> for additional information\u201d . Interesting, no?<\/p>\n

Q: Hold On! Isn\u2019t it true that when bestowed the name \u201cZoltan\u201d, one is granted some form of mystical power? (lightning bolts and ice storms come to mind)<\/strong><\/p>\n

A: Oh Man<\/em>, That\u2019s not Zoltan \u2026 that\u2019s Shazam<\/a>!<\/p>\n

I wish whenever I said the name \u201cZoltan!\u201d I would be granted mystical powers \u2026 that would be Really Cool \u2122. Unfortunately, whenever I say the name Zoltan, I always get \u201cHey, Is Zoltan your real name?\u201d (see question #1). I can see the lightning bolts coming in handy at a time like that. :-)<\/p>\n

Q: Why does your friend<\/strong> Skeezix<\/a> draw the Shazam logo on all the whiteboards at work?<\/strong><\/p>\n

A: I think it\u2019s some sort of disorder. Too much Cherry Coke, methinks.<\/p>\n

Q: So\u2026 if you are half Japanese and half Ukrainian\/Russian, why do you have a Hungarian name?<\/strong><\/p>\n

A: That is another subject of debate. I heard from my Dad that I was named after the great Hungarian composer, Zolt\u00e1n Kod\u00e1ly<\/a>, because my Dad liked his music. One uncle, though, crushed my self esteem at an early age by telling me that I was named Zoltan because the night of my birth, my Dad had a party and was trying to figure out what to name me. Many drinks went by as he was sifting through a baby book, and when he came to the last page he looked at it and said, \u201cI dunno \u2026 there are so many choices \u2026 hmmm \u2026 Zoltan is the last name in this book! That\u2019s a funny name, let\u2019s name him that\u201d.<\/p>\n

For many years, I have believed that story. And have told many friends that story. I am having some doubts about the authenticity of it as of late, for two reasons:<\/p>\n

1. My Dad doesn\u2019t drink that much.<\/p>\n

2. My Dad has a few record of Zoltan Kodaly, copyrighted years before I was born.<\/p>\n

However<\/em>, I still occasionally tell the story at parties. It is a great icebreaker, and makes people believe that I must have bigger problems than them, making them feel better than before they came.<\/p>\n

Q: But I thought you told me that you were named after a dead cat!<\/strong><\/p>\n

A: No no! That\u2019s another great story dealing with my middle name, Kimio. Are you sitting comfortably? Then we\u2019ll begin:<\/p>\n

Before I was born, my Dad had a Cat named Kimio. He was very fond of it (and so was my future Uncle Jim). On the day I was born, my future Uncle Jules ran over my Dad\u2019s beloved Cat. My father was choked up about it, so he named me Kimio. My Uncle Jim did not talk to my Uncle Jules for a long time, apparently.<\/p>\n

That said, I confronted my Dad about this story a while back, and he said that yes, he did have a cat named Kimio, but he named me after Kimio Eto, a famous blind Japanese Koto player. He even has a record of his, which I remember hearing as a child. So either story could be true \u2026 however, the Dead Cat story is much more fun to tell at parties (and may be true for all I know \u2026)<\/p>\n

Q: Does anyone think those stories are not funny?<\/strong><\/p>\n

A: Yes, my ex-girlfriend \u2026 she has heard them too many times (hmmm\u2026 maybe that\u2019s why she\u2019s my ex<\/em>-girlfriend \u2026 )<\/p>\n

<\/strong><\/p>\n

\"The<\/strong><\/strong>

The legendary Jose Ferrer<\/p><\/div><\/p>\n

Q: Hey, did you know the is this really cheesy movie called<\/strong> Zoltan Hound of Dracula<\/a> ?<\/strong><\/p>\n

A: Yes, yes \u2026 I must admit I saw that film many years ago and I must say it is really sad to see a gifted actor as Jose Ferrer<\/a> stoop so low (I guess he really needed the money \u2026)<\/p>\n

If you haven\u2019t seen the film \u2026 you may want to rent it just for the laughs. Lot\u2019s of neat driving scenes in it.<\/p>\n

Q: Who is Jose Ferrer?<\/strong><\/p>\n

A: See the original Cyrano de Bergerac<\/a> sometime and you\u2019ll realize this man is one of the greatest actors who ever \u2026 HEY!<\/strong> … this has nothing to do with me! Stop that! Next question\u2026.?<\/p>\n

Q: By the way, do you know Zoltan <insert last name here>.<\/strong><\/p>\n

A: Although this seems like a totally inane question, I was asked this quite a lot. So, in 1995, I maintained the official Zoltans on the Internet\u2122 web page, which eventually became Zoltavista, the official search engine for Zoltans on the Internet. (Unfortunately, it no longer exists. One of these days, I’ll put it back).<\/p>\n

Q: Zoltavista<\/em>? Man \u2026 you\u2019re a freak!<\/strong><\/p>\n

A: Hey, you asked!<\/p>\n

Q: It seems to me that you must be pretty obsessed with your name to have a whole FAQ<\/span> on it.<\/strong><\/p>\n

A: That wasn\u2019t a question \u2026 Next?<\/p>\n

Q: Do your brothers have such weird names?<\/strong><\/p>\n

A: No .. they are named Lorne and Adrian . Go figure.<\/p>\n

Q: So, Zoltan \u2026 have you been working out lately?<\/strong><\/p>\n

A: No. I\u2019m the quintessential anti-jock. Thanks for asking, tho\u2019, poD-.<\/p>\n

Q: How often is this FAQ<\/span> maintained?<\/strong><\/p>\n

A: Bi-occasionally. Or whenever I get another amusing question asked that I want to post here.<\/p>\n

Q: So then it is not a FAQ<\/span> (Frequently Asked Questions) list, but an AQ (Asked Questions) list \u2026 right?<\/strong><\/p>\n

A: Well, yeah, except for the fact that there ain\u2019t no such thing as an AQ. Would you visit a page called The Zoltan AQ? I don\u2019t think so. Besides, most of the questions are asked many times \u2026 so it is kind of a FAQ<\/span>.<\/p>\n

Q: I have a question that is not posted here.<\/strong><\/p>\n

A: Leave a comment below . All questions are answered. It may not be a useful answer, but it will be an answer.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Over the years, I’ve been asked a lot of questions about my name. The same questions. Over and over again. So I decided to post them here and have a few laughs at their (and my) expense. This page was easily the most requested page on my previous website, which is now defunct a long […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"parent":0,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","template":"","meta":{"footnotes":""},"class_list":["post-168","page","type-page","status-publish","hentry"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.useragentman.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages\/168","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.useragentman.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.useragentman.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/page"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.useragentman.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.useragentman.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=168"}],"version-history":[{"count":4,"href":"https:\/\/www.useragentman.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages\/168\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":3898,"href":"https:\/\/www.useragentman.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages\/168\/revisions\/3898"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.useragentman.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=168"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}